noteworth: the family room

Their piano room is not unlike the one I enjoyed growing up in; a sunny room where board games and books had a home.  It is a room of comfy couches and framed family photos. It is where people gather to talk, play tournaments of Scrabble, watch television, play video games and of course listen and play music. Their piano room feels like home to me; full of life and memories.

I can tell within 5 minutes, if a practice environment will inspire or not.   If no one including the family cat or dog doesn’t know of a spot to relax near the piano, chances are naming that particular spot the music room will not be a place to think and practice.  If only dust bunnies feel welcome in the room while everyone else socializes in another room, chances are practice will feel as lonely as a book forgotten in a corner.

For a young learner, will it not be against their best interest to have the piano in an active space? Shouldn’t the piano be in a more formal and quiet space away from the distraction of family life?

I’ve taught in a home where a beautiful baby grand Steinway graced a formal gathering part of the home. It was austere with not a dust bunny in sight. A beautiful place to have a family concert. Still, it was not an easy place for little boys to naturally bring themselves. My students were the youngest boys of a large family. The tumbling and full of energy sort. They literally came into their piano lesson each week through the back garden,  breathless from playing outside.  They were fine and full of cheer during our piano time together but I am not quite sure they entered the room in the same spirit when I wasn’t there.

I never had a quiet formal room to practice.  

I had a small keyboard that I played in my room but it never got the kind of love that I had for the piano in the family room.  I didn’t mind the bustle.   The piano rooms at school lent some solitude but not quiet.   The reality of life was that absolute quiet and privacy was a treat and not the norm.

And so I survived having a piano, television AND family computer in the same room.  Sometimes my piano competed against video game music as my brothers played across the room.  Sometimes I enjoyed the luxury of having the room to myself while they played outside. Most of the time my brothers and I exercised some form of social diplomacy.  

A piano isn’t LOUD LOUD.  Conversations and television programs can still continue and share sound space. I know playing didn’t always refrain my mom from wanting to start a conversation asking me if I’d eaten or done all my homework.

I managed sharing practice space.

Conquering distraction is a daily exercise; a good one for young people to learn and perhaps easier for a young person to consider than feelings of isolation or missing out feelings.  Put them in a room where they are out of earshot of all family activity; it may feel too much like their punitive time outs.

A place to relax, to think and to share…and feel very much at home.

K:  ”I just need a little table next to my piano so I can have a snack and glass of water nearby.  That would be perfect.”

I like hearing how my students set up camp to practice.

JNET

ss: coach firefly

R opened a brand new world of sports to me. I never paid attention before, not knowing when playoffs were going on let alone knowing when Superbowl weekend was.

Sitting down to sports was my punishment when I was little; a several hours of timeout time whenever I did something naughty.

I grew up keeping a busy distance from all things sports that it is ironic that I am dating someone that is very very fond of sports. R’s fondness for sports had me unsure during the beginning of our relationship. Watching sports was punishment to me, not a happy bonding time. I had a head full of “what ifs” that my girlfriends helped me de-clutter so I may have perspective.

Football season was in the horizon as well as plans to take a break from dance classes.

JNET: ”What if sports is more important than me? What if his fondness for sports trumps taking part in family events? Will he ignore conversations and get swallowed up in innings and quarters? I remember spending hours with my dad to watch a game but I can’t remember ever talking.”

N: ”JNET, there are other vices. R is good to you. I wouldn’t worry.”

Still I had other what-if’s…

What if sports becomes this terrible reason to not relate to each other and he wishes he had a girlfriend that wouldn’t get the teams’ names confused and who knows how to throw the perfect Superbowl party? What if sports opens up a monster in him and the sweet man I know turns into an angry, violent man that screams at the television or at me?

These are the thoughts that weighed upon my mind last year. And yes, I realize that I make up funny stuff to lose sleep over.

We made it through football season, I’m following the basketball playoffs and I even know that baseball season is still at its beginning. I’ve even earned coolness status points with my piano students that take part and have a love for sports. Random trivia for you – Did you know that Kobe Bryant knows how to play Beethoven and that Jeremy Lin practices the piano regularly?????

R made sports time fun even if it was just a party of us two. Our abs exercise regime went on off-season though. OMG….CARBS!!! We celebrated with pizza and fried chicken and relaxed. We took a break from dance practices but we attended church each week. We never missed a day at church due to a game. Sometimes we cuddled in the couch, sometimes I disappeared to do my own thing and sometimes i played the piano while he watched (setting the television volume very low). And always, he would pat the couch and invite me to return.

I didn’t turn into SPORTS WIDOW!

We attended a few games this past year, enjoying a couple of Dodger Stadium dates and my first ever basketball game. To get me ready for our sports dates, Roland would surprise me with a cute tee to wear for the special night out. The fun memories make for a good list: learning about different leagues; American versus National, learning the rules of the games, packing picnics, cute tees, a pullover and hello kitty night at Dodger Stadium.

We’ve also been enjoying movies and documentaries on sports figures. So many inspiring lives; athletes that press themselves past great odds, coaches that inspire greatness.

Coach Firefly taught me a lot this year and made it fun. I never felt ignored or forgotten. He did yell at the television a couple of times though. But I never for a moment felt less than loved.

jnet

muscle memory

“If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run then walk,

if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

There are at least half a dozen ways to crawl.

My pace at writing is slower than other seasons and it frustrates me.   I find myself getting lost in measures of silence; a habit that I would like to break.  I’m fine when I dance and when I teach my students; doing activities where I have great confidence.

But writing and being succinctly expressive in finding choice words and even carrying on an eloquent conversation has me feeling wobbly.   What was my affirmation again?  I have it written on a mirror that I keep in my patio garden.

“I am the possibility of unstoppable love, courage, self-expression and transformation.”

Though silence has been my gold these past couple of years; it has atrophied aspects of me.  I suppose it would be easy to simply fade away and get absorbed by the noise of life.  But I have a voice; a signature that wants to defy invisibility.  And so I crawl, sometimes flopping around on my belly, sometimes on one leg while I drag my body…only wishing to move forward despite my awkwardness.

I’ve committed to pod-casting, hosting a half-hour show with my friend D, each week. We’ve had our share of technical blunders and bloopers managing to laugh  our way past them.  Despite slips and awkward moments, D says she looks forward to our weekly podcast conversation.  She encourages me.   I’m notorious for not lasting two minutes on a phone conversation without feeling annoyed.  Lasting thirty minutes in good cheer has been a weekly miracle.

Hosting a podcast in the morning while still in my pajamas is a world different from standing in front of a room of real people…  Oh yeah…. I’ve also returned to toastmasters this year but in a dipping my toe in the pool sort of way; visiting a new club every week or so.

I recently enjoyed a fleeting moment of words and ideas leaving my mouth in good order.  People got on their feet and applauded at a recent visit while doing an impromptu speech at the podium.    I was scared and was shaking but no one seemed to notice.  It felt good to know I moved my audience.  Someone admitted that they started taking notes.  And my boyfriend was very proud.   I guess I actually “stood up” for the moment.

I feel like I’m still crawling but my “legs” are feeling stronger.   I hope to not feel as stiff in my movements or choice of words in expressing myself as time goes by.  Perhaps it is all muscle memory….to be freely self-expressive and eloquent takes practice.

Here’s to practicing.

JNET

i won’t give up

Hello rugged angels.

How old is your soul?

Navigating the world and wanting to make one’s life count is not an easy task.  I’ve had to learn how to bend without caving in and showing up to love, to live, to write, to play is for the tough and strong.  Not giving up… is what makes one strong.

I give you my love.

Enjoy the music video.  Sending a hug from my corner of the internet universe.

jnet

 

lessons from the wilderness

What is this proverbial desert that we place ourselves for reflection during a time of sacrifice and discipline?

From the pulpit, it was mentioned that most people have never really visited a desert unless it was for a round of golf or some packaged outdoor adventure. What then is 40 days of being challenged by our vulnerabilities and meeting them headstrong?

I’ve met the desert for a round of golf in Palm Springs. I’ve met the desert in various local garden estates. And I’ve spent one memorable evening where I’ve literally slept in the middle of the desert. It’s still a mere blink to the amount of time Jesus spent to contemplate and confront what is weakness and what is strength.

But I can tell you that the desert is not a gentle place. I thought my friend was absolutely mad to play a round of golf at PGA West on a summer afternoon under a blazing sky with temperatures over 100. And this past weekend walking through the beautiful desert garden at the Huntington estate, I realized the pricklies looked lethal….definitely avoid cacti should you be pursued by zombies.

The proverbial desert was not far once I recalled my fleeting experiences. And with vivid memories of awe mixed with remembering the discomforts of being pushed against boundary, I recalled the fragility of being human and the challenge to stay “chill” as each passing hour either got extremely hot or extremely cold.

So what is Lent to me while I sit in the comfort of my apartment sheltered from the rain outside?
Perhaps it is to find a silence where I may reflect on the terrain of my life and see what feeling vulnerable is like.    What will come up should I challenge certain constructs and appetites?

We are creatures of habit; always hunting and gathering.  But we are not meant to hold on to everything too tightly. We are designed to survive lean times… really lean times. We are designed to endure and still embrace serenity. We are designed to be creative during challenging times.

And yet how many of us collect or hoard things? How many of us have a scarcity mentality that eat away our faith and hope?

This Lent season, I encourage you to consider your wilderness, your sacrifices that you choose on purpose to create a conversation with discipline and understanding that perhaps there is a border where discomfort happens and you can see your fragile humanity and strengthen your spirit and faith.

Don’t forget… as much as the desert wildnerness may be challenging… it is also breathtaking.

jnet

iJNET

I need to love my self as much as I love my computer.

Should my computer have a hiccup or crash of some sort, it gets taken care of immediately.  IMMEDIATELY.  New battery?  New cord?  Some love from a tech geek to wake it up?

I will run the anti-virus, clean the disk, and defrag to counter the teeny-est and tiny-est sniffle… dedicating time I wouldn’t spare so easily elsewhere, determined and hopeful for happy results, searching through clouds and files saved on external hard drives.

I even feel a little annoyed that a case may need a stylish update.

Eh.

The case works really well and keeps my treasured possession safe.

I know I’m not the only one loving their modern communication tools.   Pushing that RESET button when all else fails and  feeling thrilled when it merely wakes up.  Resolving that notifications or not, the light is ON and everything from there is FIXABLE.

With the new year I’m considering my self as iJNET and invite you to meditate on getting all geeky lovey dovey over yourself.  Defrag, clean out corrupted files, and update your apps.

If we are soooo forgiving to these objects that crash on us, lose valuables, and give us all sorts of interesting emotions, then we can also forgive ourselves as we live life with its crashes, losses and  roller coaster rides of emotions.

Something to consider….

iJNET

ss: the fireflies at one year

Baby steps.

We turned one year today and have a trail of fun memories.

Its quite something how a simple hello opens new worlds, expands, creates and even brings in challenges. We met last year and haven’t spent a single weekend without one another since.

We grew; together and independently.

He is known as Vaga, translation, firefly… His sparks and illuminations have surprised me, bringing light to areas I thought were dark. I didn’t know anyone can be so kind and patient, that I noticed hurt parts of me. You know, those phantoms that are usually faithful to sabotage but need the fuel of rashness. A patient lead has evolved a different calm to my life.

We’ve shared memories on stages, on planes, in cars, and boats. We have a world where there are different meanings to red lights and green lights. Yet we hold on to certain truths… like “COKE is it,” and that every day is a blessing.

We’ve had silly moments, ecstatic moments and our share of frustrations and tears. I’ve enjoyed many sweet moments together and I’ve wrestled with my deepest fears and insecurites in my solitude. Yet, there is a quiet mindfulness in being in a relationship and caring.

Still, we are babies. A mere year. A time where most infants are not yet crawling, let alone at command over their thoughts and words. We have a lot to yet learn.

For now, lets just say we are just strong enough to sit up and smile. And that I hope we never outgrow laughing over bunnies and puppies. And that hugs and kisses begin and end with each day we spend together.

jnet