the high road of silence comes to an end

How do you make peace with someone that you feel has not only hurt you but has also exploited you?

There are those who insist that the higher road is to choose silence.  But is it truly the case that peace is held at bay by time and that healing comes thereafter with connectedness and understanding?

I do believe silence is powerful.   Silence soothes heated times.  It prevents careless words of haste to be burned into memories.   It also gives space for words or acts of reconciliation to make a spontaneous appearance.

Earlier this year, it was disheartening to realize that the basis of a friendship I had – depended on my silence and unconditional subsidizing.  Being forthright in conversation yet trying to be sensitive to my friend’s troubled life was met with flattery and promises… think Wimpy from Popeye in terms of fiscal irresponsibility.  No amount of “thank yous” and “you are so great” covers when you cannot financially support a friend and you find yourself living in a sinking ship. I saw a friendship reveal itself false.  Things got messy (understatement).

I could’ve walked away from the pretense accepting on my part as well – to pretend with them that things were peachy keen.   But how do you stay silent when something unethical or shady is at hand?  Life was not feeling like a whimsical cartoon; it was intense, unstable and ambiguous.

There is no surprise then that something like Enron and Maddoff can happen..  when there is a bit of the same shuffle and flair happening it front of your eyes and you can choose to just be shocked and remain silent.  Or, get over the shock, see if anything more happens to confirm what you hope is not true and only after that, get upset for real and act.

Act when there are things amiss and you are being “encouraged” to support questionable people who insist on being above reproach.

Act?  No way.  Too scary.  What about the possible drama?

Tough call.

I kept my peace to a point where I didn’t even want to see people because I didn’t want to mention that my (false)friend and I fell out and that its worst than I thought.  Friends don’t like to feel like they are in the middle of a divorce unless they have something useful to say or do.

I couldn’t just stay quiet after allowing Life to reveal more about the character of the people that needed “writing off.”  When I saw that they had a blatant disregard and less than professional ethic that I could just silently witness so that they can laugh and carry on, I felt ill.

It just isn’t the way I am.  I can be patient.  But silent before disregard and disrespect and unprofessionalism, I cannot.

I was also colorfully invited with a combination of angry threats and insults…

To silence.

I ask myself… how do you make peace with someone that you feel has not only hurt you but has exploited you?  And tell me also, how do you make peace with someone that you thought was a friend and could have served as a mediator of the conflict or remained neutral (fair enough) but chose instead to be antagonistic?

My enthusiasm for a “business meeting” to sort things out were more than less than inspired. Seriously, how do you plan a business meeting with people that thug out and get “all ghetto” on you?

Would you take orders from someone that insists that you be positive in your shutting up?  And speaks to you “professionally” by telling you to shut the !@#% up and not bring your “daddy issues” to the table?

Tell me..

Would you acquiesce?

Life is interesting.  Interesting has lots of different definitions… and this is the part of interesting that I do not care for.

I did what any intelligent concerned person would do when threatened.  I checked in with a couple of trusted friends to double check what I wrote and consulted with a couple of attorneys.

Blame my daddy issues.

I feel much better.


~ by jnetsworld on October 31, 2010.


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