quick listener

I’ve found myself needing to play defense several times this week that I welcomed beginning a weekend of not speaking to anyone.   Court is adjourned!

Three well meaning friends had their own personal visions on how I may have my happiness look a particular way.  Their criticisms came from that same good place that inspires moms to nag at their children for their own good.

Yes, yes… yes… I feel the love and I am getting annoyed.

My mom doesn’t draw out grueling upset conversation though.  She has always been quick to listen so that I may put my case forward in a strong rational voice.

Do you know what it feels like to have someone be quick in listening to you?   It gives you a sense of moving together toward understanding and being understood.  It gives you the space to say what makes you happy even though the other person may have other suggestions.

And it gives you a platform to make a stand for yourself before getting emotionally wound up….  arrrgghh headache… headache

My friends are used to a different tempo of communicating perhaps.  We got out of sync that I had to go over the same measure of conversation over and over til I was on the verge of tears.  Then and only then in a space of emotional restraint was I listened to and finally understood.

If I don’t have exhausting emotional conversation like this with my family, why must I be pressed to the verge of tears by a friend?  Why can’t they trust my choices as freely?

It’s because they still don’t know me like my family does and therefore they need explanations.  They don’t quite understand my happiness all the time.  They project their own ways, boy ways, not jnet ways upon me.

That frustration creates separation…. a temporary but annoying one.

But I do love them; my friends.  I know they are coming from a loving and protective spirit.  And I know they hold me in good regard even while we are out of sync and misunderstanding gets a dance in.

What feels like home to me?  That place where listening is quick and feels like love.  I know what that feels like and its really nice.

Are you a quick listener?

JNET

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~ by jnetsworld on August 22, 2010.

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