undisappearing myself

Undisappearing Myself

I didn’t fall in love with anyone in particular. … but I fell in love with a world. So much so that I haven’t had time to write, to blog, to podcast.

Pretty intense.

As much as my world had expanded and I was dancing on top of it, parts of it exploded as if to test me if I had the wherewithall to keep standing and keep going. New friends, parties, studying dance brought in new adventures. Life already felt lux and then I moved up to a new thread count.

My roommate L was not happy with it.

Contempt…. is not something that I keep regularly in my emotional vocabulary. But it was what I became alarmingly present to everytime I crossed paths with L. Her two month stay stretched to the six month point… where I recommended that she start looking to move out… L wore down her welcome mat to the bare threads by playing musical jobs and imposing her financial struggles upon me. Her personal and social life was a mystery to me. I never lived with someone so abrasive who consistently jabbed with butter knife precision and yet spread the jam on thick when needed.

After several months of story from her and subsidizing her shortcomings, I struggled with the issue of “throwing a girl out onto the street”…. I was busy too and didn’t have time to think about her while happily engaged in teaching and studying dance. My efforts at inviting her to my social circles had failed and so I brought my friends home where she openly disregarded them and insulted my guests. I saw a bit of madness that actually made me wary. My friends became concerned over my safety with this girl….

a writer who relished in her writings… stories of tormenting the family pet… among other disturbing things. Hard to know these things on the get go. L was a pretty Korean girl that looked normal but stored social grace in the bin…. She used social grace like medicine; to fix things.

Not wanting to be placated by another story from her, I invited my closest friends to witness and manage a confrontation with her. L had not paid rent and it was a week past. She was busy entertaining her out of town guest and both retreated to her room with barely a polite hello for me.

They packed in the middle of the night with no intention to ever pay rent and stole the mail key from my key chain (among other things)…

Yes… it was drama… a bump on the road of life but after a fresh coat of paint, I had several friends ready with prospective new roommates to fill the space. I chose one and gained new friends with the rest.

That was February…

My new roommate B is visiting from London. He wins everyone’s heart upon meeting and has been incredibly easy to live with. Home life is a sanctuary and a party once again and so I am now “undisappearing” myself.

It really wasn’t the roommate drama that kept me from writing anyway. It was my passion for dance and music actually. I had begun studying salsa to fill my tango void and I made new friends that became like family to me.

So my world is full of music and dance and I’m loving it. In between measures, there are meals and drinks with friends… and over meals, scripts are practiced out loud, dance techniques are discussed or Mozart is analyzed.

A not a single tinge of contempt is in my world… there is no room for it.

I missed writing, blogging and podcasting…. I am undisappearing myself and saying hello again.



~ by jnetsworld on March 28, 2008.


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