riding a gray wave

Riding a Gray Wave

There are days when I feel like I have the world on the palm of my hand. And there are days when I feel like I’ve misplaced it.

I’ve been feeling UGLY lately… monstrousfully UGLY.

I sat with my imperfections this week and they laughed at me. Never mind that I have a mind and talents that bring me respect and admiration, never mind that I have a healthy and fit body that enjoys bikini summers, never mind that I have the support of friends and family that lavish love and compliments upon me.

Love has a way of thinking everything is beautiful and overlooking imperfections.

This week, I guess, I didn’t love myself as much as everyone.

I beat myself to a pulp. I magnified the ugliness that everyone overlooks….

“What? You’re getting braces? What for? …. What? You don’t need to diet. You look great…. What? You’re thinking of getting a roommate? You can afford to be on your own.”

The imperfections gave me terrific headaches this week… as well as a cold. I stayed home again and missed Oscar parties. (Sick again for another Oscar party.) I joked with my friends that when I’m up for my Oscar, I’ll have to spend a couple weeks just resting so that I don’t have to send a proxy in my place.

My broken esteem went through my mind wondering which friend will I send. heh

The world was on the palm of my hand just a second ago…

Where did I put it?



~ by jnetsworld on February 25, 2007.


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