neural jetskis: maybe i don’t have the SPIRIT in me

Neural Jetskis: Maybe I don’t Have the SPIRIT In Me

“I could never do any sort of drug… even if it’s legal…”

Me, the girl that doesn’t even drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and classifies all candy and cakes as simply SUGAR… didn’t have the same judgements as my friend. He explained that being from Europe, he couldn’t have anything on him that might serve as an excuse to deport him or not hire him for work.

“If people want you, they’ll want you. If they don’t, they’ll want to find an excuse to tell you.”

“Well, I don’t want to have an excuse available!”

All I could think of during that drive to work was that a life dictated by fear of other’s people’s opinions even the ones we love is paralyzing… not only in action by also in thought.

The world is full of diverse folks and I’ve had my interactions with some different groups. I guess you can say I’m a social tourist. It’s made my life much richer to simply visit. I don’t care about stimulating my brain for highs whether through caffeine, sugar, or shamanic legal plants. I have music and other natural ways to send me to bliss.

You can learn a lot by walking in another’s shoes and so I am curious when an opportunity to take on another view and perspective is presented. I’m a thinker, an analyzer, who likes to to learn about the mind and I’m not afraid to question my own thoughts and systems. I am open to modify the paradigm I have and gain perspectives that are empowering.

The shamanic paths or the fascination of altered states that eludes certain people interest me. I think I have a healthy skepticism and I was disappointed that I didn’t have a “spiritual” experience. I felt like I went to church and didn’t get “filled with the holy spirit” as all the believers postulated would happen. I had to wonder if such experiences are somewhat ego driven.

I was never designed as an emotional sort. I’m the girl who passes the bandwagon and says I’m happy to walk. I was open to the possibility of having something incredible to write about but alas.. that was not the case.

And so this is what my skepticism asks about this neural rollercoasting railway…

Is there really a god experience to be had? OR, does the experience of “meeting god” come about because the seeker needs that kind of confirmation and has requested it?

I don’t think the vehicle which people use to take themselves there really matters. Feeling happy in the space of choosing boredom, sadness, happiness or whatever you choose out of your emotional vocabulary is a choice.

If the path one chooses works and helps one to be a functioning happy fully expressed human being then I say good. If it creates disconnect and distraction, then I think some further thought would be useful.

When the conversation turns into.. this is the best way… this is the sure way… the tools for living get sold off and turned into mere status symbols (religions, social positions, luxuries) These privileges and tools that a rational mind can play with become icons that are shells with the life taken out of them…. creating bizarre and sad results.

I feel happy with my choice to check out a piece of the unknown. The most important thing that impressed upon me was that I really felt free and that I live freely.

Free from paralyzing fears of the unknown, of what’s in my head and especially of others opinions. What is living honestly if you can’t even allow yourself to be brave when you want to face fear mindfully?

I think living in fear is to live out of your mind. Isn’t that a bit… insane?



~ by jnetsworld on November 11, 2006.


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