on the path of sharing

On the Path of Sharing

“What do you think of me moving in to be your roommate?”

Mystic has mentioned moving in in various ways for several months now. At first he played the “lonely” card…

“You’re going to be lonely when AM moves out. You’ll miss having a roommate and get lonesome…”

I’m the last person on the planet that I can imagine being “lonely.”

Mystic played another card, the fear of financial responsiblity one…

“That’s a lot of rent to pay all by yourself. It’s going to be very difficult. Maybe you should move somewhere else smaller and pay less rent…”

But I feel sane and creative where I am. Why disrupt my life with that kind of transition? And my place is finally all painted and art-ed out with my full signature all over it. I love it. “I’ll get more students then. I’ll figure it out.” I countered.

A new card he’s playing is the convenience one… It is the most “romantic” one he’s dealt thus far 🙂

“You’re too busy and I’m working sometimes 60+ hours a week, if I was your roommate, you’ll see me more often.”

“I only see you lately when you need someone to write up something for your clients or you want me to help you out with your music.”

I told Mystic that I was tired by the end of the day and his visits usually meant more work than hanging out.

“But if you’re my friend that you’ll care about my business.”

“Of course I care, but it would be nice if we could take a hike or go to lunch and do more fun friendly stuff rather than work. If you want to hang here and use my computer, fine… But I may want to continue my practice on the piano and don’t want to feel obliged to carry on a conversation with you.”

M looked at me and gave me a strange questioning look. And I had to wonder… Am I being totally unfeminine here? Shouldn’t I have more “save me, save me” in my repetoire? The last girl he dated was begging to be married to him. Me? I don’t think he’s as kind as the many platonic friendships I have with other guys. We barely know each other. And though I see he’s doing his best despite his own crazy schedule, I don’t warrant our status as ready for moving in and breaking up my happy solitude. We have some communication skills to practice yet… and become better friends.

I’d sooner have one of my other guys friends move in to help me with rent. I’d rather have the mathematician and play house with him. Mystic is still too new in my life and his “helpfulness” wasn’t solicited.

He’s still learning about me. He keeps forgetting that I don’t drink coffee though I may make Turkish coffee every blue moon. He keeps forgetting that I don’t like my thoughts disrupted as he likes to talk while I’m practicing the piano.

Instead of getting to know me and hearing my thoughts in an organic way to learn my rhythm, Mystic’s been on a trend of saying what he thinks my thoughts are. Lately, they are thoughts that  might lead me to second guess myself..

If I were a second guess sort of person.

Instead, I go in my head and wonder where the heck he comes up with his material sometimes. Between all the lines, he’s saying he wants to live in my apartment and I guess I have something to do with it…

There has to be other paths besides appealing to my fears to negotiate that conversation….

I told him that I really wanted to live alone because I’m tired of the roommate mamba. I told him that I’m not afraid to go home alone and be with myself. I think it’s more stressful paying half the rent and having to negotiate living with someone else.

I may be a bit of a cactus maybe. As much as I adored the mathematician when he put out the “let’s live together” conversation, I balked as well. I really need to get complete with the independent thing.

Is it possible, I wonder… to be able to hear your own thoughts and yet be able to share your life with someone?



~ by jnetsworld on November 2, 2006.


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