of elephants and castles

Of Elephants and Castles

While searching for the Christmas boxes, I came across that one with piles of pictures that I have sworn to organize someday. And I felt a little sad missing friends that have left Los Angeles. I had to put down the pictures.

Maybe the poignancy of it was all the more acute because of the excerpt from “Atlas Shrugged”, recalling it gave testimony to a certain loneliness that accompanies even my sweetest moments of solitude.

What catches my attention is so specific. I could write a book about it… the journal I carry everywhere with me best articulates my highest values and my path. It serves as a map of where I am and where I am going. It tells me if I am lost.

Is it idealistic to live by principle? Is there any wrong in enjoying a life that only needs to make sense to myself? Am I too uncompromising? Would I continue being freely myself should I begin compromising and participating with worlds that I haven’t a care for?

I found pictures of yesterdays riding elephants and visiting castles, of fun and silly parties and smiles with the Geordie and the Goose. They were gorgeous memories that punctuated a tenuous conversation. Y’areet bonny lads?

I stepped away from the elephants and castles because it was just frosting. I’ve stepped away from comfortable situations that I couldn’t settle for lest I compromise what I value. N. told me this past weekend of a Coelo book… that everyone has a price… it’s just different for some.

I rode elephants, visited castles….. flowers every single Friday…. poetry, music compositions, adulation… served between two slices of bread that forecasted their futures on the package.

Life can be like a fun amusement park with loads of sweets, thrills and romance…

I see the world as much much bigger than that. Do I experience loneliness in the solitude? Of course.

Do I ever regret? Never.

There’s another sort of happiness and bliss to be had without the interference of another. That’s the happiness of loving one’s self and one’s life independent of the input of others…



~ by jnetsworld on December 1, 2005.


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