broken cars, fast trains, and love

Broken Cars, Fast Trains and Love

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved,
but a reality to be experienced.”

Aart Van Der Leeuw

My accelerator cable snapped in stop and go traffic thursday night on my way to rehearsal. I think angels blew at my car to get it moving while I was sitting and contemplating how to push my car and get it to the side of the road. i was lucky to find some rare shoulder on the 405 just south of sunset blvd. Car trouble in Los Angeles rush hour in summer steamy heat. Wonderful!

I didn’t get to dance rehearsal. It was 7pm and the tow guy didn’t get to me til nearly 8pm to say that something about his truck wasn’t right and that he needed to get another truck. We finally got my car to the car shop by 10pm… after he missed the exit and we had to take backstreets… after he had to stop the car to re-adjust my car, after he had to stop off the freeway to re-secure his cables.
To say the least, it was an unusually bumbling night…

I’m on a train heading back to Los Angeles right now after spending some time with mom in San Diego. It was nice to enjoy having my mom to myself… no brothers to share her with. We stayed home, made smoothies, made meals, sat in the garden. We talked a lot and I played for her. We had a beautiful time. I was present to fun, love, honesty, authenticity.

So mom and i talked of many things this weekend: my transitions at home, boys, building a business, my music, her hobbies… I listened to stories of my father, who passed away when I was young. She told me about dealing with her in-laws and the life my father came from. We talked about health and how we can optimize our habits. I want her to be active and healthy for a long time yet. We spent time with a friend of hers who was sick and wanted to learn about how we can help her. And then we prayed together and did the rosary.

I don’t remember the last time when I last did that with her. But it was nice to participate and it was okay that I kept messing up my prayers.

My bestfriend from childhood reconnected with me, serendipitously sending an email that I read on the train ride going to San Diego saying that she was thinking of me and missed me. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen each other.

I really appreciated the time we had to catch up and I felt very happy and sad. Happy because we speak the same language, have similar upbringings and values… Kin spirit, is a more fitting word. She was born in America. Her parents are German and Portuguese. I was born abroad… my lineage comes from China, Philppines, and Spain.. both our families are Catholic. Both our parents are Landmark graduates and I think we both enjoy very close relationships and good communication… Growing up with space.. growing up with defined parameters… we didn’t want to do anything to undermine the bonds we had… We both had our rebellions and have done some crazy stuff together and separately. But coming from good families, our acting outs were rode out with patience and a lot of conversations and emotions on the table….

And so seeing CB… I was flooded with a lot of memories and became very present to a strength of love and respect that had been there alive and growing; pronouncing the eternalness of what is not tangible yet very real.
“My friends are my estate.”

Emily Dickinson

“It is with the heart that one sees rightly:
what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine de Saint – Exupery


~ by jnetsworld on July 23, 2005.


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