going for it

Going for It

Perhaps there’s something in the air for me to call life perfect. Perhaps I’ve created a fun game in my mansion of thought and it’s interesting to me to play. Perhaps my nonsentimentality finds intriguing ways to delight in the daily promised madness.

Maybe it’s because it’s spring. Maybe it’s because I’m in love. Maybe my prayers are being answered. Maybe my karmic credits are paying off. Maybe I’m finally growing up and calming down. Maybe I’m having an allergic reaction.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I don’t plan enough. Maybe I ought to think more and plan more. Maybe I should sleep more.

And these are the thoughts I can ride to have another day to be excited about…

And then the shadow speaks from the dark halls of mediocrity….

Maybe you’re crazy. Maybe you’re hopeless and lost. Maybe you’re arrogant. Maybe you’re not good enough. Maybe you’re misguided. Maybe you think you’re clever but are really pathetic. Maybe no one really wants to be your friend. Maybe your life is a lie.

Empty words from a jealous shadow…

Who doesn’t enjoy the joy of a dream, where sidewalks are laid out from the love of one’s self, friends and loved ones. Where laughter and dreams are shared as freely as tears, meals, and clothes. Where estates are built and inventions are songs composed by a dream. Where ensembles of angels orchestrate between cities, nations and continents creating the world with every collective thought and conversation. Where creating, building, and thinking surpasses the final goals, possession and sense of entitlement. Because being in the presence of being part of the causing declares one’s existence and that thought alone is enough to celebrate living.

Maybe it’s because I say I’m free. Maybe it’s because I say I’m powerful. Maybe it’s because I am not too afraid to deny myself of my dreams that I’m willing to be called everything from great to crazy and keep my eye on my star and bring every friend who inspires me onward and leave all shadows behind.

Maybe I am selfish to look after my life. Maybe I’m selfish to not mind after your life. Maybe I ought to offer my life as a sacrifice for those to toast and feast over. Maybe I am selfish to not allow my life to be consumed by unworthy projects and persons. Maybe I am demanding, arrogant, and impatient… not giving the dear shadow the time of day.

Maybe I’m wrong to want to enjoy my life. Maybe I’m wrong to not give out the torturous details of every self-defeating thought. Maybe I’m wrong to seek after happiness.

Maybe silencing the indulgent voices of insecurity is undemocratic. Maybe the reason why I am happy to be awake is because I’ve been asleep.

JNET

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~ by jnetsworld on April 27, 2005.

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