shadow self

Shadow Self

I took my VW bug to E & C today. I got an oil change, new gasket (it was leaking oil), my brakes got adjusted and the valves had an adjustment as well. It runs better and I don’t think it’ll backfire again.. I got out of there for $91.00.

I managed to get some leisure reading in… I’m reading a little about Jungian and Freudian psychology for kicks.

I was really taken in by what is identified as the “Shadow.”

“If the Ego is a photograph, the Shadow is its negative. Standing in direct opposition to the Ego, the Shadow is an autonomous complex, which holds opinions, expresses feelings, and generally wills an agenda radically different from the Ego’s….

“…the Shadow results from childhood trauma…a distinct, conscious, willing entity. Unless reintegrated later in life, they forever seek to sabotage the Ego’s plans and behaviors….

“If we can claim our Shadow’s qualities, and learn from them, we defuse much of the interpersonal conflict we would otherwise encounter”
———————–
I was a bit taken back by this because this past year I have been challenging my fears as they come up… I had decided to make a game of it. I only like to do fun things and if I’m going to deconstruct myself… why not make it fun?

So I named my “Shadow” last year before I knew what a “Shadow” was. I simply named my “fearful-jeannette-identity” Betsy. I like the term “Shadow” better.

My “Shadow” is quite a piece of work. I’ve amused myself over the detailing I’ve created. I found that I literally have played out scripts and now I notice when I fall into the playbacks… I’m becoming aware of my game… my mythologies.

Last week, I came to realize that I had made a decision a few years ago that has been sabotaging my sense of freedom and power in love and dating. That decision was “Love is Traumatic”…. I had sent an email about my experience to my friend last week. I’ve had a quite a few upsetting and some frightening moments in my past. And then today I read about the “Shadow.”

Wild…

So, I’ve got the brights on my “Shadow”… It’s just a bunch of bricks… it’s not a living breathing anything… And I’m looking for dynamite… Got a match????

JNET

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~ by jnetsworld on February 16, 2005.

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