power, money, and mom

Power, Money, and Mom

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I have just finished talking to mom.

Earlier this month I attended a Money workshop with T. Harv Ecker and I was able to recall a memory from the past that had been part of my programming on my relationship to money.

I was listening to his CD when I realized that I needed to share my workshop experience with mom.

This is how my life was profoundly changed within the first day of my attendance. ….

9am: Everyone (meaning at least 2400 people) is sitting in their chairs when a questionaire and a list of money belief statements are passed out. It has statements like ..

“Money is the root of all evil.”

“Having a lot of money will make me less spiritual or pure.”

“Most rich people probably did something bad or dishonest to get their money.”

“Getting rich is a matter of luck or fate.” ETC ETC ETC

I disagreed with most of the statements… There were 72 all together.

The one statement that I agreed with and gave a 10 score was…

“Having lots of money is a big responsibility.”

I had filled out a questionaire slightly earlier… The sentence began…

“MONEY is …..”

I had written in the blank… “A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY.”

Later in the evening, I partner with my friend R and we bring out the papers from the morning. I shared my answers and speculated on my “responsibility statement”.. Perhaps I’m afraid of growing up.. I wondered.

I shared my speculations with my mom today… I mentioned that her desk is usually quite intimidating and I tell her maybe I’m afraid to get to a point where my desk will look like hers… she seems to stress out over it. She says her desk makes sense to her; she just needs an office and she’ll be better organized…

I continued to tell her what I later discovered the first evening of the workshop…

After dinner on the first day of the workshop, I partner with another friend, K. We’re asked to recall the first memory we can remember regarding money. That was an easy one for me. It had been branded into my memory; I had one main memory in my filing cabinet.

Funny, when I asked my mom what she thought my first memory with money was, she thought it was the rewards I would get for working on a piano piece or the first time I got paid for teaching my first piano lessons while in junior high…

I expected the possibility that she wouldn’t remember.

This was my memory…

My first memory with money was when I was five years old. My auntie drove me to sunday school while my mom was unable to… I don’t quite remember as to why maybe she was stuck home with my brothers and had to ask my aunt to help her.

I was given a dollar to gift my aunt for driving me to church. My auntie refused the dollar and I returned home with the dollar. My mom got upset and I decided that it wasn’t a good idea that my aunt didn’t accept the gift. I also thought it unfair that mom was upset at me.

The following week my auntie drove me to church again and I had another dollar to gift her with. She refused AGAIN…I put it on the dash, the ashtray, the cup holder. I remember not being happy with her not accepting the dollar and being frustrated.

I returned home and went straight upstairs into my pajamas and just wanted to hide or sleep. My mom called me down after talking to my aunt. She was upset and asked me where the dollar was. I went upstairs to retrieve it and when I returned, she took it and spanked me, telling me she wasn’t about to raise a little girl who steals.

It was the only time in my life that I was ever spanked by my mother.

We talked about that memory today. I told her how significant that memory was because I felt an injustice over that dollar. I never voiced my part; I was five.  I simply got scared and disappointed that my mom didn’t talk with me first before the spanking…. and perhaps that was why I have a tenuous relationship with money especially from her and perhaps that added some color to why I thought money is a huge responsibility.

A five year old’s decision dictated my life.  I handled everything on my own, without help, dreading asking for help… If I needed money, I never asked mom. I put myself through college. I struggle by myself. I bought my own car and piano…. never asking help… being afraid when I hit an uncertain patch and still alone when things went well.

We had a good cry. She couldn’t remember ever spanking me. ..but when I asked her how old she was then. She realized how young she was and that she was taking care of three small children alone while my dad with out to sea and that it was the first time that she had to work and be away from us.

I told her that I came to that realization while at the workshop. I had connected to how overwhelming it must have been to be raising us and not having her husband with her. I told her it was okay for her to lose her head. What I created out of that experience was beyond her knowledge and memory. I was able to connect some major dots and was able to forgive the past and create a clear space for my future.

It was great to share this memory with my mom. It was also sad that a moment’s reaction had such power. That I, as a five year old, had such power to create decisions and create a world from it.

I wanted also for my mom to consider her own memories. What can she connect for herself so that she can create freedom in making choices for her future… what things from her past did she need to let go.

It is great that I can have this kind of communication with my mom.

JNET

I highly recommend T. Harv Ecker’s “Millionaire Mind Intensive”….

Feel free to email me with any questions…and check out his website:


http://www.millionairemind.com/

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~ by jnetsworld on November 19, 2004.

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